If
you ever decide to visit, it's best to first ensure that you have a
wallet or purse stuffed full of money, and a healthy credit card
balance. If however, you are skint, tight, or both, you will want to get
the most from your visit without spending too much. Here are some pointers.
Before You Go
You
will want to dress smartly. Monaco is full of rich people who dress
well. Of Monaco's 32,000 residents, many are celebrities and achievers
from the world of stage, film, music, business and sport. Once you
arrive, it will be too late to pop back home and change into something
more suitable.
Even though you are visiting on a shoestring
budget, still do take as much money as you can manage. Things really are
quite expensive in this one-square-mile income-tax-free principality.
Getting There
Monaco is on the Côte d'Azur, 10 miles from Nice in France and 22 miles from San Remo in Italy. A cheap - but not particularly stylish - way to get to Monaco is by bus1. You can bus in from Nice or Cannes in France and from Menton in Italy. Don't expect to be in Monaco before 9am though, and be prepared to leave before 9pm.
Driving
is another option, but you will have to park, which won't be cheap, and
will be nigh on impossible unless you have a parking space in one of
the ridiculously costly (but extraordinarily luxurious) hotels. If hitchhiking
is your preference, then Highway A8 is the road for you. The A8
autoroute starts in Provence and runs across the south of France,
services Monaco (via exit RN7), then becomes the A10 autostrada as it
runs into Italy across to Genova.
There are also train routes into Monaco from the South of France and Italy, with trains running from around 8am until midnight2.
You will have to buy a ticket of course. Having said that, if you plan
to use one of the very-late-night or early-morning trains coming in
through Nice for example, you may well find that your departure station
is so empty and void of staff that purchasing a ticket will be almost
impossible3.
Of
course, you won't be flying in - this may have more prestige than the
bus, car or train, but is vastly more expensive. The helicopter link
alone costs more than you might want to lose in the casino later. And as
for chartering a yacht worthy of docking at Monaco's port - lets just
say that if you have to ask how much, then you can't afford it.
Having a Drink
First
things first. Find somewhere to sit down and have a drink. There are
numerous bars in Monaco, and none of them are going to be cheap. So, if
you're going to drink overpriced alcohol
before lunchtime, drink it in style. Find a bar that overlooks the
yachts in the harbour. Monaco is set on just over two miles of
south-east facing coastline on the edge of the Mediterranean Sea. So if
you are sipping a mid-morning beer or wine on a terrace looking out over
the Port de Monaco, the sun will be looking back at you.
Once you've had a nice cool drink or two, it'll be time for some milling about.
Going Shopping
Probably
the only thing Monaco has more of than bars and restaurants is shops.
So, go shopping. Try not to buy anything - that would be costly. Having
said that, maybe try the gift shops for some reasonably priced
souvenirs. Other than that, your best bet is to stick to
window-shopping.
Sightseeing
For
such a small country (only the Vatican is smaller), Monaco has a
surprising number of churches, museums and gardens. You will have to pay
to get into many of these (even the gardens), but take a wander anyway.
There are a lot of sights to be seen without parting with a single
Euro.
Take the opportunity to go down to the harbour and ogle at
the yachts. Have your companions photograph you standing surreptitiously
beside the nicest boat, looking like you are about to board for a lunch
appointment.
Walking the Grand Prix Circuit
If
you are a Formula 1 fan (and even if you're not), you may find walking
round the F1 grand prix track an interesting activity. This is more
difficult than it might sound - but that's half the fun. The circuit is
almost three miles long, and many of the F1 landmarks look different for
the other 51 weeks of the year. For example, rather than a chicane on
the run from the Tunnel down to La Piscine, there is instead a
mini-roundabout and some well-placed concrete plant troughs. And
although you may recognise the famous Loews hairpin, the hotel looking
over it is no longer called Loews.
Visiting the Casino
No
Monaco jaunt would be complete without a visit to the casino. The
casino has two parts: the real casino is at the back. The easiest way to
get in there is to be rich, be famous, or have an invitation from
Monaco royalty. However, if you dressed up smart enough, and are in the
mood for some smooth talk, (and you have your passport to hand) then you
might just blag your way in. Failing that, the front part of the casino
is for the plebs and has numerous slot machines on which you can spend
your limited cash supply in the hope of winning some back.
On the Beach
By
now, evening will be turning to night. If you're lucky, you might well
find a beach party being hosted on...well, on the beach. Once again,
your sophisticated attire and a bit of smooth-talking should see this
party well and truly gatecrashed. Upon entry, loiter by the bar and do
your best at looking enthusiastic but not quite as loaded as everyone
else. After a while, the barman should take pity on you and will start
plying you and your companions with free drinks.
For a real stroke
of genius, wear your swimming costume under your gladrags. That way,
when you've rocked till you're about to drop, you can change out of your
clothes and use the showers on the beach. Even in the cool night air,
you'll be dry in no time, ready to change back into your stylish
wardrobe.
Outstaying Your Welcome
After
a hard day and night sightseeing and partying, you may well be in need
of a kip. First, find yourself a quiet spot on the beach. Fortunately,
the sand is quite coarse, so with a bit of manipulation you can fashion
yourself a sand pillow. This won't be the most comfortable night's sleep
you've ever had, but it's free and it's Monaco. The chances are it
won't last long either, as the local law enforcement officers will be
eager to move you along (or indeed move you out of the principality
altogether) once you are detected.
Now, then, is probably the best
time to be on your way. Remember that the trains can work out to be
surprisingly cheap in the early hours of the morning. You can catch up
on the rest of your sleep in the comfort of a railway carriage seat,
whilst your unconscious mind races through the memories of the last 24
hours that have been a Grand Day Out in Monaco.
1 Bus timetables (in French) can be found here: Rapide Côte d'Azur
2 Train timetables can be found here: SNCF
3 Travelling on any form of public transport without a valid ticket is usually prohibited - so do try your very best to pay your fare beforehand.
